burgoynealexburgoyne

Throbbing helplessness

Loss, but only enough so

It’s never over

Remember when you
didn’t spend enough time on
your schedule so you’re dead now

Also you wasted people’s time because you’re the worst.

It’d be nice if
I could blame someone else for
this series of things

You:
*Misunderstanding*
Me:
*Corrects misunderstanding*
You:
*Very skeptical*

Me:
*I want to do crawl in a hole so I can blow it up while you stand on me*

The more I don’t do

the more there is not to do

| : Again and again : |

What have we done -weighs-
Digital intention -me-
Crush my will and -down-

Envy is a sore
Which grabs up small pains to bear
Like fine salt in hands.

I’m sorry
I hope it’s the last time
I know it isn’t

I’m in a ditch, where the wind howls my name

And the soft footfall of empathy is drowned out by

Concern that my needs won’t be met first

Yes, I’m aware that
these haiku are about me

Irony and I are long friends

Must I relate story
after story to my life

My heart isn’t that important

How many times must
I ask for attention when
you need it from me?

Shame, blame, doubt, fear, rage
Bubble up, in unison
When empathy lacks

Gossip is a key to sad
A reflection of your worst

Remember your fear 

When you don’t, it’ll bite you
and rend your failure

by John Phillip Allen

Shouting desperately
Dying to be heard and yet
Everyone passes by

It isn’t your fault.
Here we are, underwater
And I can’t breathe right

Longest Week (plus half again),

Could we have a chat?
I need you to cool out, because
my brain may fall out.

Sincerely,

Alex

We (not me) used to
hammer things, and skin rabbits

Now we update blogs

I’m writing a line
about a blog I neglect.

Which does inspire…

Working on structure
To filter thoughts from out louds
And breathe cautious breath

I used to think that
It was communication
Now I know it’s me

Like its burdensome meals and loathsome treats,
December also fills its gullet with the gold from my coffers
And feasts to blind end, as I shovel my ends to feed its insatiable appetite

Then January rolls along, my discretions catch up
And the echo of my empty vault is long and deafening

Please go rot, you small,
miserable mirror of
your own short-comings.

#stupidhashtagmeansnothing
#yetanotherstupidtag

Straddling right/wrought
Like a flood climbs a levy
We drown in our dread 

Or better put:

Can’t talk, gotta eat

The weight and pursuit
of diligence; watching eyes
perusing your feed

Feels like I’m always crashing
through thick, vitriolic glass

When the world fogs up,
even being overwhelmed
reeks of privilege

I want to be happy for the people in my life who have success
I want to want the best for them
I want to stop comparing myself to them
I want my timeline to be separate from theirs

But I can’t, so I’m tragically disappointed.

Here’s a haiku:

Roses, violets
Smell nice, but who gives a shit
I’m still nobody.

Three years since returned
And the sky has yet felled, razed
But life has surely changed

And fall is falling on us
And life is once again, good

The awkwardness of
mid and high school breathes hot breath
Funny with distance

When your heart’s on ten
And the food that you shovel
has little effect

You swim, caffeine misery
Overloaded, in despair

Like fire on water
like ‘burg which sits, monster ‘neath
feelings swallow up