burgoynealexburgoyne

A room of mirrors
A constant reminder of
how little you’ve done

 for Aaron (eventually) 

Like a stranger, walk
Eat the looks you get, slide through;
a foreign noodle.

You were my lofted
resting place, now you are the
place I rest my drink.

You could withstand all
but fire, including speeches
of drunken import.

You were made by hand
once by mine, then by mine Pa,
held so many feet.

A staple in my life,
for all of my adult life.

Working in retail;
meeting people plenty, rot;
all for this moment.

What she didn’t know
is that the ice cream was left;
limp, molded over.

If we lived only
in right and wrong decisions,
we’d be dead in days.

There’s time to speak less
Listen more and windows talk
There’s no time to wait

The house is full and
smells like cookies and old books.
Life is charmed with yous.

You’ve seen every room
I’ve slept in, witnessed countless,
whole wardrobe changes

You hold the outer-me in,
bear my wares, steel my self-ness

Morning always starts
a thoughtless joy in my day;
I wish mornings stayed.

What is with internet?
A vague, constant reminder,
of past foolishness.

A friend whose friendship is lost
in the nostalgia of loss.

A cry and coffee.
Facebook was the impetus
of my catharsis.

Two weeks with no end in sight,
end in a morning whimper.

The past looks smaller
the further you move from it.
But some thoughts persist.

These are things I wrote about in 2009, followed by things I wrote about the things I wrote in 2009, now.

1. Most of my life, I’ve eaten no breakfast. This past year, I have made a 180 in that regard, eating substantial breakfasts each morning.

I still eat a decent breakfast.

2. My first instrument was piano. I took lessons from 9-18 years of age. It may or may not have been my first love.

It was not. My first love was video games.

3. I have had one pet whose name I wouldn’t expect to see as a human beings and her name was ABCD (Abey-Seedy).

Still true.

4. There are a few movies I watched as a kid in which I still can recite 94% of the lines. I watched a lot of movies, that is to say, I watched the same movies a lot.

Still true.

5. I got a Charlie Parker CD from a saxophone friend my senior year of high school and didn’t listen to it one time until I got to college.

That’s how I feel about almost everything I’m doing now. Like I knew these were things, but I had no experience with them at all.

6. I have recurring dreams. Most of the time the dreams have a tendency to distort reality. Like, in my peripheral vision, I can see everything fine, but if I turn to look at it, it shrinks or grows or blurs or something crazy.

Still have that dream sometimes. Also, tornadoes. A tornado in my middle school cafetorium.

7. I’ve always liked sports because they were something I could be better than most people at, without trying very hard.

This sounds more arrogant than it is. I would add, “Until I had to try hard, then I quit.”

8. I used to be very passive in confrontation. I am no longer so.

I’m not sure that I was ever passive.

9. I can’t read the word rotisserie. Everytime I see it, I read, “rotti-seer- ee”

Still true.

10. In my family, for as long as I can remember, I’ve been too young for the old kids, and too old for the young kids.

This is NO LONGER true. I feel like a big boy now.

11. For me, music is not primarily a means of self-expression, that is only a side -effect. For me, music is a necessity, the place I feel most spiritual.

Let’s replace spiritual for true. And It’s not always happening, but truest Alex is playing saxophone.

12. There are only a handful of people in my entire life that I’ve made an effort to keep in contact with. Aside from my family, there are maybe 2 I talk to on any sort of regular basis.

I’m trying to make more of an effort.

13. I have been the opinion page editor for the Chimes for the past 2 and a half years. For the past half-year, I’ve been a columnist.

This is no longer true. That was a good time, though.

14. I don’t know what I’m going to be when I grow up and I’m really excited about it.

Still true. Womp.

15. I used to care a lot about the peculiarities of my hair. I may have been a “just-so” kind of guy. I am no longer that guy.

I care a little more than then, but not much more. Hair is stupid.

16. I saw a psychologist and a therapist in high school. The former helped none and the latter helped immensely.

I also saw one in grad school and am seeing one now. They both have helped me more than either of the first two.

17. Kurt Vonnegut is my favorite writer, mostly because when I read his books, it feels like I’m sitting down to coffee with a crazy uncle or something who draws and reminisces inappropriately.

I still love Kurt Vonnegut. I feel like my love has become somewhat more complicated than “crazy uncle.”

18. I am addicted to coffee. I got food poisoning this summer and was lifted of this addiction… for about two weeks.

Food poisoning happened that next summer too. Same story. Also, still addicted to coffee. So is everyone else.

19. I think I have a bit of an obsessive personality. If only for the first week of something, I can only go 100%.

Lol. Duh.

20. Bagels are one of my most favorite foods.

I no longer crave bagels. Since my bagel days though, I’ve probably lost 40 pounds.

21. I would rather be very cold, sleeping with a lot of covers, than be very warm, sleeping with no covers.

Still true. 100% true.

22. I spend an inordinate amount of time considering what things are.

I don’t really remember this thought. But I sort of still do that I guess.

23. For the first 3 years of college, I wore the same green belt every day.

I got too fat to wear it, which is why I stopped. Now I wear it again. Pretty much every day.

24. I was sure I was going to be a High School band director since the beginning of high school. Now I am only sure that’s what I DON’T want to be.

Still true. I seriously don’t think I would do it for twice the salary.

25. Ever since I can remember, I’ve picked my fingers. Caffeine, stress, excitement, boredom, girls, school and nerves all make it worse.

Still true.

New thoughts:

I’m trying to figure out a way to win. Constantly. I’ve found though, that it’s mostly about not losing.

I wonder if self-confidence is something I want for my friends, for my lady,for my students, because I’m hoping for it to rub off on me.

It’s so easy to wake-up in the morning and start your day focused on all of the reasons today sucks.

I’ve got big hopes for my future. Big things coming.

I believe, to my detriment, that there is a right thing. Maybe it’s the good thing. Whatever it is, it’s the thing I would do. Or hope to do.

It’s disappointing to realize that everyone feels pretty much exactly the same way.

Been disappointed
of late, with the lack of ‘book
statuses I can

ruthlessly ridicule, post,
then posthumously delete.

Drinking! It’s a thing.
Do it alone or with friends!
Be your best friend’s friend!

Life’s already on.
You’re going and if you look,
you may have some time.

Be in old spaces.
Say yes constantly. It’s fun.
Get guts on the walls.